He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
