DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
