You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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