Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
