Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
