Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
