it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
