turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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