watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
