He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
