yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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