when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
