you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
