I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
