its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
