Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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