1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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