Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
