It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Boobs speak an international language.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
