Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
