i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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