We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
