Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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