Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
