I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
