Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize