I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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