I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
