i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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