He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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