and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
