So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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