I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
