Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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