GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
