no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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