I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
