Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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