i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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