I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
