8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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