she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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