Im at strip club and am horny
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
