did you get engaged???
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
