i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
