She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
