She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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