i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
