i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
