Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
