Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize