I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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