I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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