and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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