ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
