yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
