This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I can't put those talents on a resume
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
