If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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