I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
