wakey wakey hands off snakey
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
