I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
