i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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