my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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