Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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