I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
