My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Last time i carry you out of a forest
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
