bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
