i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
