Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
