She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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